In 1946, shortly after the conclusion of World War II, an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist named Viktor Frankl published a book titled Man’s Search For Meaning. The wildly popular book chronicled his personal experiences from 1942 to 1945 as a prisoner in four separate Nazi concentration camps, including Auschwitz. The first half of the book, Frankl shared the harrowing experiences of losing his own family and the complete desolation of the concentration camps. The second half of the book, Frankl shared how he processed his experiences in the concentration camps while also developing his own psychotherapeutic theory he called “logotherapy.”

Logotherapy is Frankl’s idea suggesting the primary motivational force for an individual is to find meaning in life. Life has meaning under all circumstances, even the miserable ones. Finding meaning in life, Frankl argues, can help a human endure the most traumatic circumstances. Frankl believed we can never be free from every condition in life - there are biological, sociological, and psychological challenges everywhere. But, we are capable of resisting and braving even the worst conditions, if we choose to find meaning in what we do and what we experience.

Despite our circumstances - good or bad, we must find meaning in life. Some will find meaning in success through their career pursuits, others in money or social status. Some will find meaning in creating a family and cultivating a loving environment. Some will find meaning in political or social cause, others will find meaning in demeaning someone else’s political or social cause. We’re all in search for meaning in life, whether we recognize it or not.

However, in our search for meaning, a sure-fire way to become miserable, is to make the meaning of life - about ourselves. When we are the center of our meaning in life - we will be miserable.

Here are 15 ways to be miserable

1.) Think about yourself

Authentic leadership is not about you. It’s about everybody but you. If a leader begins to think about themselves it will lead to frustration and misery. 

2.) Talk about yourself.

At the end of the day - no one really wants to hear about you. They want to tell you about them. Leaders who overly share their experiences, name drop, or talk about their past successes will be eventually left alone. It’s also not a fulfilling experience for the talker.

3.) Use the personal pronoun “I” often.

There are “I” leaders and there are “we” leaders. Be careful using I, MY, MINE instead of WE, US, OURS. Remove personal pronouns from your vocabulary and enjoy the benefits.

4.) Mirror yourself continuously in the opinion of others.

A tried and tested way to become miserable is to rise and fall with the opinions others have of you or your potential. The rollercoaster of being crushed with negative opinions or on top of the mountain with positive praise and admiration will be exhausting. Don’t spend a lot of time worrying about negative opinions. Spend even less time basking in positive opinions. Reality is often in between.

5.) Listen greedily to what others say about you.

Craving to hear the latest hot takes on you will surely drown you in misery. A hunger to hear others thoughts on you is subtle hubris. Starve the addiction of more of you. A detox of ourselves is essential to becoming a great leader.

6.) Insist on consideration and respect.

Even the purest of intentions and actions can be misinterpreted and criticized. Find a successful leader you admire full of wisdom, humility, love, and honor. Study their life closely and you will find even they have been disrespected. If even they are disrespected - what does that mean for you and me? 

7.) Demand agreement on everything.

Even great leaders “agree to disagree” especially when they are the ones making the final decision. The most insecure leaders surround themselves with people who will give total agreement on everything. The most miserable leaders will demand it.

8.) Sulk if people are not grateful to you.

Sulking and pouting never produces the effect the sulker and pouter intends. Sulking when people are not grateful to you displays a lack of emotional intelligence that will surely cause people to prolong social distance from you - not because of the virus, but because they don’t like the way you make them feel.

9.) Never forget a service you have rendered.

A servant has a short memory. Being a servant is less about the actions and more about the heart posture. A servant leader doesn’t keep a record of all the things they’ve done - only to recall back to the list when they need to hold it over someone.

10.) Expect to be appreciated.

The list of leaders or employees who have left their work environment due to feeling under-appreciated is long. The expectation to be appreciated will quite simply never be met with any regularity in life.

11.) Be suspicious.

You will be miserable if you view every new hire as a potential replacement. You will be miserable if you are sensitive to perceived alliances being formed against you in the company. Don’t be Sherlock Holmes trying to solve the case - just do your job and lead well.

12.) Be sensitive to slights.

A miserable leader has thin skin. Sensitivity does not bode well for a leader. If you want to be sensitive - be sensitive towards the feelings and emotions of the people you are leading - not your own.

13.) Be jealous and envious.

“Who’s the new guy having lunch with the CEO? Why haven’t I had that kind of one-on-one time in awhile?” Envy and jealousy share a three bedroom apartment with misery, and rent is very expensive.

14.) Never forget a criticism.

Being criticized is an experience that can cause a great deal of frustration but not misery. Being criticized alone does not produce misery. Dwelling endlessly on criticism is what produces misery. 

15.) Trust nobody but yourself.

A great indicator of burnout is if a leader is unable to find opportunities to leave work at work and trust the people in place to deliver. If a leader does not trust ANYONE in their organization, and must be constantly on top of all operations - they miserable by way of constant, unrelenting - stress.

Authentic leadership meaning is not centered around ourselves. Embedded in the concept of high capacity leadership is a heightened awareness and concern for everybody - but ourselves. It is an outpouring of ourselves for the advancement of everyone else. It is a meaning worth chasing.

Stay The Course,

JB