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Unpleasant experiences are critical to flourishing.

I don’t know about you, but when I think about the good life nothing unpleasant comes to mind.

I think of; 

• A life overflowing with happiness,  positive emotions and general life satisfaction.

• A life where you are realizing your full potential.

• A meaningful life. 

Good vibes only! Right?! 

Well, according to the literature if we really want to live a life where our ambitions and our well-being support and enhance one another we need to experience more than just happiness, meaning, and positivity.

Psychological richness is a concept that explores the idea of a life filled with diverse, interesting, and perspective-changing experiences. 

It's a concept that goes beyond traditional notions of happiness or meaning, focusing on the quality and variety of life experiences.

In this issue, we’ll discuss how the very things we’ve been avoiding in our pursuit of a good life might just be the very things we need to flourish in both life and leadership. 

Unpleasant Emotions And Flourishing

In our relentless pursuit of a good life we’ve become accustomed to labeling unpleasant emotions as negative or bad, because of how they make us feel in the moment.

That’s a problem when those “bad things” actually have the capacity to help us make meaningful progress towards our goals and live more intentionally. 

There’s a lot of research, particularly in social psychology, showing unpleasant experiences can be a powerful engine for progress.

Stop labeling the emotions you don’t like as “negative”.

That’s neither true nor helpful.

Just because it feels bad doesn’t mean it is bad.

• Feeling hurt doesn’t mean you are weak.

• Feeling anxious doesn’t mean you lack confidence.

• Feeling sad doesn’t mean you are sensitive.

• Feeling upset doesn't mean you are ungrateful

• Feeling regret doesn’t mean you lack faith.

The truth is “negative” emotions are important to flourishing. 

Emotions are powerful indicators. Especially unpleasant emotions. 

Like so many things in life, the avoidance of psychological pain feels good in the short term but makes things worse in the long term.

When we constantly resist the bad in pursuit of the good we deprive ourselves of opportunities to tap into our potential.

Case in point, in The Upside of Our Darkside, Dr. Kashdan draws attention to research showing that being in a happy state of mind leads to lower performance compared to being in mildly negative emotional states in situations where you want to reduce conformity among a group of people or detect deception from someone you’ve never met.

So in these situations, being mildly sad, anxious, or irritated can make you more effective, thus boosting your performance.

Additionally, unpleasant emotions have a way of motivating us. They can provoke critical thinking and can incite us to address the underlying issue rather than ignore them. 

Navigating unpleasant emotions with curiosity is an excellent way to build distress tolerance and perseverance.

We need to better understand those unpleasant emotions so we can better navigate them when they arise. 

We need to distinguish how we feel from how we act. That’s high performance 101.

Effectively handling the pain and stress that life brings is an essential part of creating a rich existence.

Photographic Negatives

I listened to a podcast interview with author Daniel Pink discussing his most recent book The Power of Regret, and in that discussion he compared the utility of negative feelings (associated with regret) to those of a photographic negative.

A photographic negative is a filmed-based image that is the inverse of the original scene.

Dan discovered through his research that the negative feelings we experience from regret can serve as the reverse image of what we want out of life. 

Through his research he categorized regret into 4 core domains. 

• Foundation regrets: These regrets are related to stability and responsibility, such as not saving for retirement, not exercising, or not studying. 

• Boldness regrets: These regrets are about missed opportunities, such as not starting a business, learning a new language, or leaving a dead-end job. 

• Moral regrets: These regrets are about regrettable ethical choices, such as bullying or marital infidelity. 

• Connection regrets: These regrets are about neglecting important relationships, such as drifting apart from family or friends. 

What if the very thing you feel so bad about is trying to point you in the direction of the things that matter most to you?

What if instead of ignoring the hurts and pains you allowed them to teach you something about yourself?

Negative feelings can be very strong signals trying to tell you something.

So if our only response to unpleasant experiences is to wallow in them or ignore them we’re very likely missing out on the richness life is trying to offer us.

Here are a few ways in which unpleasant experiences can be a catalyst for flourishing.

• Resilience and Growth: Overcoming challenges and adversity can strengthen resilience and foster personal growth. Unpleasant emotions like sadness, anger, or fear can motivate us to confront difficulties and develop coping mechanisms.

• Self-Awareness: Experiencing negative emotions can lead to greater self-awareness. They can help us identify underlying issues, patterns of behavior, and areas for improvement.

• Empathy and Connection: Understanding and experiencing our own unpleasant emotions can increase our empathy for others. It can also foster stronger connections with others who have shared similar experiences.

• Meaningful Relationships: Overcoming challenges together with important people in our life can deepen relationships and create a shared sense of purpose and meaning.

• Perspective Shifts: Confronting difficult emotions can lead to new perspectives and a broader understanding of life. They can help us develop a more nuanced view of the world.

If we’re going to flourish in life and leadership we need to spend more time working to develop the capacity to not only navigate and endure, but ideally grow from the “bad”.

So, next time you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation remember that maybe, just maybe, that unpleasant experience is there to aid in your growth.