Read Time: 4.5 minutes

I’m coaching my son’s pee wee football team. Seventeen 1st and 2nd graders. 

If you’ve ever been around 6-8 year old boys you can imagine how volatile of a situation this can be.

During our last game we found ourselves in a tight one. Midway through the fourth quarter we have the ball holding onto a slim lead 19-14. 

You could feel the momentum shifting in favor of the other team. 

You know the feeling I’m talking about. Confidence is waning! Heart rate is elevating! Minds are wandering!

We’re in the offensive huddled and I could see this feeling overcoming the boys in real time. 

The huddle, which is usually a place of quiet attentiveness, is shifting into an anxious chatterbox. 

Nobody is listening. Very few of them are even making eye contact with me. 

Trying to regain control, Myself and the assistant coach start exclaiming; 

“Get your minds right…”

“Lock in…”

“Get your heads in the game…”

The more we yelled, the worse things seemed to get! Then came the stories;

“You guys don’t listen…”

“What’s wrong with you? You obviously don’t want to be here…”

In that moment I realized we were exposing these kids to the same vicious self-talk cycle that we’ve become accustomed to. 

I immediately stopped myself, got loud enough to get everyone's attention and asked them to take a deep breath with me. 

One big inhale in through the nose, followed by one big sighing exhale out through the mouth.

Boom! They were locked in. 

No more yelling. No more berating. No more threats. No more shaming.

We found ourselves in a state that was conducive for executing the task at hand. 

We went on to handle our business and win the game. 

This story serves a great reminder of what we’re all dealing with on a day to day basis. Whether personally or as a part of a team.

In this issue, we’ll revisit principles of neuroplasticity, discuss the interplay between our state and our stories, highlighting the roles each has in influencing our performance.

Your Nervous System

The human nervous system is a highly advanced operating system. 

A stunningly designed network of neurological hardware capable of anything and responsible for everything. 

Equally impressive is its adaptability. Our nervous system is constantly learning from our experiences and updating accordingly. 

This phenomenon occurs through a process called neuroplasticity. We’ve discussed this process several times, but it bears repeating because it’s essential to flourishing.

As a reminder, neuroplasticity happens in three fundamental ways.

1. Strengthening of existing neuron connections 

2. Weakening of existing neuron connections

3. Addition of new neuron connections

Our neurons can be classified into two types. 

Afferent - Neurons that carry information from the body to the mind.

Efferent - Neurons that carry information from the mind to the body.

The nervous system is made up of roughly 80% afferent neurons and 20% efferent neurons.

This is important because it reminds us how important it is to take a whole-person approach to everything we do.

Yet, too often, we limit our options to the mind side of the equation. 

We’re constantly trying to “think our way” out of stress!  

Heck, I “should know better” and I still tried that with my pee wee football team.  

Top-Down | Bottom-Up

There are two ways to go about training our nervous system to boost our resilience and cultivate more calm in our lives.

The most common approach taken is what is often referred to as Top-Down. This includes things like; mindfulness practices, cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, and other mindset reframing tactics. 

This Top-Down approach is vital to a well-balanced program but mastering these alone won’t be enough to prevent the occasional nervous system hijack. 

When our nervous system becomes hijacked and massive amounts of neurotransmitters are coursing through our veins we need something other than dropping into a meditation to pull us out of the panic into a more desirable state. 

In these moments we need to embrace a Bottom-Up approach. This includes things like; breathwork, somatic movement, and other vagal tone inducing tactics. 

Bottom-Up practices give us the ability to snap out of it right now. These tactics empower us to leverage all of those afferent neurons to help us self-regulate and positively change our internal state in real time. 

The Stories We Tell

The stories we tell ourselves and the perspectives we share are both a function of our state and an influencer of our state.

Failing to realize and appreciate this interplay is sure fire way to languish for a long time. 

Reactive storytelling always exacerbates our problems! It always leaves a negative impression.

You may not have any experience coaching pee wee football, but you’ve certainly found yourself in a similar situation. 

A situation where you found it increasingly challenging to think clearly. A situation where nervous energy was growing uncontrollably. 

How did you respond? What stories did you tell yourself about the situation?

In my case, a story about myself might have been:

“I must not be a very good coach if I can’t keep my team poised during high stakes situations.”

A story about my players might have been:

“They’re not mature enough for these moments.”

However, a new narrative arises, when we acknowledge that our state is not a reflection of who we are, it's merely a reflection of how we’re perceiving our current situation.

By intervening at the level of our physiology we flip the script.

Challenges that appeared to be too much suddenly become manageable.

What changed? You’re state!

Are you really not very good at that thing? Or do you just need to find a way to self-regulate so you can perform up to your full potential?

Stop letting your state direct your story. 

You’re the author of your story. 

Set the plot to your liking and then start to evoke the states that align with the story you’re trying to tell.