Read Time: 4.5 minutes
The Olympics wrapped up last week and I’m not sure about you but I love the display of some of the highest performing individuals in the world. The years of preparation, dedication and a willingness to lay it all on the line in the arena every four years is so inspiring. We’ve done some deep dives on some Olympians in the past - Jordan Burroughs, Sydney Mclaughlin-Levrone, Terry Brands, Giannis Antetokounmpo, and most recently Steph Curry. (Quick note - to access our entire archive of personal leadership development content + monthly calls with other leaders - join the Stay The Course Academy.)
Despite watching greatness for the better part of the last three weeks, a recent survey indicated that the “common man” feels he’s a lot closer to these Olympic greats than he probably is. A recent survey indicated that 27% of Britons feel they could make the 2028 Olympics if they started training right now.
The survey reveals more than hubris. It shows how easy the best of the best make their craft look. With potato chips on our shirts, and a cans of soda in our hands we sat back for the last three weeks and thought, “I could do that.. If I started trying..”
What the survey really reveals is that we all need more self-awareness. This week we’re going to dive into self-awareness and its critical impact on our flourishing life and leadership.
There’s More Than One Type of Self-Awareness
Self-Awareness is more than just knowing your Myers Briggs or Enneagram Type. It’s not really about diving into your own personal preferences and learning what makes you uniquely you. It is much more than that. There’s two types of self-awareness and neither is more important than the other. In fact, both must balance each other in order to have the most effective outcomes.
Internal Self-Awareness (Values, Passions, Interests, Thoughts & Feelings)
Internal self-awareness is associated with higher job and relationship satisfaction, personal and social control, happiness, and leads to lower anxiety, stress, and depression.
External Self-Awareness (How other people view us)
External self-awareness leads to better relationships, more satisfaction, and greater effectiveness across all relationships both personal and professional.
In working with leaders and organizations, Tasha Eurich, an Organizational Psychologist and researcher developed the Four Self-Awareness Archetypes to help leaders understand the relationship between internal and external self-awareness and where we fall between the two. (Which one do you think you are? - hit reply and let us know).
Experience & Promotion Can Lessen Our Self-Awareness
As if developing self-awareness wasn’t challenging enough, Eurich and her team have also discovered that self-awareness gets harder the higher you climb and the more experience you have. While we like to think it’s the inexperienced in us all that lack the self-awareness, the truth is the more experience and promotion or power you have, the more “blind” you may be becoming. This is due to a number of factors.
The more power you have the more likely you are to overestimate your abilities
More experience can cause you to not question your own assumptions
Senior leaders have fewer people who can provide candid feedback
The more power a leader has, the less comfortable people are to give constructive feedback.
How To Cultivate Self-Awareness
If we’re not careful we’ll meander through our lives and vocations without developing this mission critical skill for flourishing. The standard approach to developing self-awareness is to raise our introspection and welcome feedback. The truth is, it may run a little deeper and require a bit more intentionality.
Here’s 2 things we can do to cultivate self-awareness - one for each type (internal and external).
1.) Internal Self-Awareness
Not all introspection is effective. In fact, for some (the ruminators) introspection without purpose can actually spin us up and cause more harm than good. Through her research, Eurich and her team found that ruminating on “Why” questions can be problematic and that’s often where most introspection centers.
“Why am I feeling this way?”
“Why did that happen?”
“Why did I get such a bad rating?”
Eurich found that asking why, especially when trying to explain an undesired outcome often invites negative and unproductive thoughts. It also can be ineffective because our judgments are not unbiased. We can overly rely on whatever “insight” we land on, ignore evidence to the contrary and force our thoughts and reactions to conform to our explanation we made when feeling defensive or insecure.
A better line of questioning for self-awareness is centered on “what.” We should ask “what” not “why” to ensure our introspection stays objective and focused on the path forward.
“What are the situations that drain my energy and leave me on edge?”
“What do I need to do to put myself in the best position to connect with them?”
“What steps do I need to take to change this aspect of my life?”
What questions vs why questions may be the difference between developing self-awareness and ruminating on an offense you heard two weeks ago.
2.) External Self-Awareness
It’s clear that feedback is essential in developing external self-awareness as we learn how we’re showing up in the world. Receiving criticism and faking a smile is not something I’m suggesting to do. In fact, not all criticism should be listened to or taken seriously.
In her work with leaders, Eurich and her team suggested that in order to develop greater external self-awareness do so by seeking out feedback from loving critics. People who have your best interest in mind and are willing to tell the truth. These same people can also help filter or check criticism or feedback from other people as well.
The key to external Self-Awareness is not wincing your way through criticism - especially criticism from untrustworthy people. It’s through loving critics. Who are the loving critics in your life? Do you have any? How have you cultivated these relationships?
This component reveals the importance of flourishing relationships in our lives and reveals the notion we’ve discussed many times through this newsletter - everything is connected. Your level of self-awareness is connected back to your level of flourishing relationships. Your flourishing relationships raise your self awareness and in turn raise your leadership.
Cultivate those relationships with your loving critics this week and start asking more “what” questions.