Tim Howard started playing soccer at a young age. Never really an enthusiast for school or the classroom environment; Howard loved sports. After playing T-ball and hating it, his mother signed him up for soccer. At first he hated it as well. He couldn't dribble, wasn’t coordinated enough to pass or shoot, but was bigger than all his peers. His youth coach convinced him to play goalie because of his towering size over his peers and his fearlessness of the ball in goal. He was a standout quickly, but he also had a few intriguing traits while standing in goal that were unique to him.
At the age of ten these traits began showing up in everyday life. His mom began to notice when Tim would come in from playing outside to go to the bathroom on the other end of the house, Tim would touch the same objects on the wall in the same order and same rhythm. If he messed up the rhythm he would start over before eventually proceeding to the bathroom. Touch the light switch. Touch the railing. Touch the door frame. Touch the picture. All in the same rhythm. Sometimes he would re-do the process and it would take a half hour to finally complete his journey.
Similar things started happening outside of the house. Walking back and forth from school, Tim would have an uncontrollable obsession about a rock, or a stick, or a flower. He felt an overwhelming desire to pick things up. If he denied the desire, he would experience shortness of breath, break out into a sweat, or feel like vomiting. As soon as he gave in and picked up the object the feelings would subside. It was as if the whole world revolved around the single rock, or stick, completely consuming his attention. Over time, his school back pack would be filled with rocks, sticks, flowers, debris. He couldn’t throw anything away.
Eventually his mother started noticing small tics. Blinking furiously, clearing his throat, facial jerks, shrugs, eye rolling, not all at the same time but a clear pattern. Sensation - build up of stress - action or tic -relief. At the age of eleven it started entering his social interactions. Tim would have an overwhelming desire to touch people before talking to them. He would tap them on the shoulder, or nudge them. If he didn’t touch them it was as if the words in his brain would be blocked by a door. Touching them opened the door and allowed his words to exit.
On the soccer field the same patterns could be noticed in Tim when the ball was on the opposite end of the field and he was standing idle in goal. He would touch the ground, cough into his hand, play with the Velcro on his goalie gloves, touch the goalpost, blink and repeat until the ball came to his end.
After some time, Tim and his mother visited a pediatric neurologist. The doctor collected all symptoms and diagnosed Tim with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and Tourette Syndrome (TS). Obsessive compulsive disorder is an anxiety disorder that brings about intrusive thoughts and compulsions. Tourette syndrome is a neurological disorder characterized by involuntary movements and vocalizations called “tics.”
As an adolescent having to deal with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Tourette Syndrome was not an easy task. Naturally a kid in their early teens would have the desire to hide or cover up what was going on out of fear of embarrassment. Fortunately, Howard had a great support system of family and friends who allowed him to be himself in light of these new developments surrounding his quirks.
Howard and his mother continued seeing doctors and eventually made the decision to forgo medication for either of his two disorders. They felt the best option was to keep going and they had a major aversion to the “zombie-like” state some of the drugs made people feel like during the treatment. It continued to be a fluid and frustrating process to navigate. After one visit with the neurologist, the doctor said something that stuck with Tim for a long time.
“I’ve been doing this a long time, and there’s one thing I’m absolutely sure of: with every challenge a kid faces, there’s some flip side. I have no way to prove it, but I believe this: there’s always a flip side.”
The “flip side” for Tim came on the soccer field. As he continued to get older it became clear he had more than a knack for goalkeeping. While his disorders continued to be a part of his life he continued to develop as a soccer goalkeeper. What made him so good was his ability to anticipate the action and movements of his competitors and to focus on one thing - the ball. His sole job as a goalkeeper was to keep the ball from going into the goal behind him. Much like the obsession for a rock on the sidewalk as a kid, when on the soccer field, his obsession became the ball.
On the soccer field, everything with his disorders changed. While they would still display themselves when the ball was on the other end of the field as he would touch the ground, twitch, play with his velcro gloves, touch the goalpost, and blink, his tics would subside as the ball came closer. When the ball came on his side of the field, all the mental messaging and tics would completely dissipate in an instant and would channel to fully focus on the ball. Howard describes this in his book.
“Players, colors, people on the sidelines, they all blurred and fell away. Only one thing remained in sharp focus, its every detail vivid: the ball, moving toward me. I would kick it or catch it or parry it. Or it would elude me and I’d have to pick it out of the net while the other team celebrated. Either way, whether I had succeeded or failed, that’s when everything became crystal clear again - players, colors, spectators, scoreboard. And then, too the intrusive thoughts. Touch the ground. Touch the post. Twitch. Jerk. Cough.”
In every area of his life, obsessive compulsive disorder, and Tourette syndrome invaded his sense of normalcy and became a burden to carry - a weakness of sorts. On the soccer field, they became a force multiplier. Strengths - adding to the incredible talents of a great goalkeeper to assist him in protecting the net from the ball. The very things he had to deal with in everyday life, assisted him in the sport he loved. On the field, he now had an outlet to channel his obsession.
His extreme focus on the field by way of his hidden disorders helped Tim Howard rise to soccer stardom. He went on to play professionally in the United States as a young athlete while also doubling as the goalkeeper for the United States Men’s National Team. He eventually was paid handsomely to go across the pond to England - the soccer epicenter, where some of the world’s best players convene. Howard arrived in England in 2003 for the internationally renowned soccer power, Manchester United. He eventually became the goalkeeper for Everton Football Club, one of England’s top clubs and was in this post for a decade before returning to the United States. In his United States Men’s National Team career, Howard has started in goal 121 times for his country.
No goalkeeper in United States history has started more games than Tim Howard. He is widely regarded as the best goalkeeper in the history of the United States. He played at an incredibly elite level despite battling two common disorders that can make life and vocation frustrating and isolating for anyone. His limitations off the field became one of his greatest strengths on the field and contributed to being one of the best in the world at his craft.
When studying the life and career of Tim Howard I am reminded of a passage in the New Testament in which one of the pioneers of the Christian faith discussed boasting in weakness. No other philosophy or religion in the history of the world discusses the idea of boasting in weakness. We are first introduced to this way of life in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 as the Apostle Paul discusses a personal weakness he carried.
“At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me - My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness.”
Just like the apostle Paul, the story of Tim Howard’s limitations reveal the inverse dynamic of the Kingdom Economy - where our weaknesses actually become our strengths. Much like you and I, Tim Howard was tempted to hide and conceal his limitations. Over time, Howard embraced his limitations and channeled his disorders into his craft to become one of the best to ever play the game. He now uses his platform to encourage kids with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Tourette Syndrome.
If we lead with our talents people can admire us. If we lead with our flaws people will admire Jesus.
In life and leadership we are tempted to conceal our flaws, our weaknesses and our vulnerabilities. We love the idea of God using our talents for his glory. We’re not really excited about the idea of him using our flaws though. The idea of using the very thing we want to conceal creates a crossroads decision where we must decide if we are building our own brand, or the brand of the Kingdom.
I believe this dynamic to be a secret weapon for leaders everywhere. If you want to grow as a leader - reveal to your team that you don’t have it all together. I am not suggesting every Monday becomes a day for you to list a rap-sheet of personal shortcomings to your staff. I am suggesting that it is not in the best interest of the leader to continually create the image of a person who has it all together. There is tremendous power in leading from a posture of a “work-in-progress.” When a leader takes off the mask, they are inviting their team to take off their own masks as well.
We can be encouraged and reminded; God is able to use our flaws and limitations. In the same manner that Tim Howard’s disorders HELPED him in his unique craft, I believe our personal flaws can be used to help us in our own leadership journey. A life of faith invites us into the freedom to take the mask off. We are given the invitation to stop hiding and playing a character or role as a “leader.”
People are more drawn to our flaws than they are our strengths. Our weaknesses are our secret weapons.
“Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size - abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.”
Stay The Course,
JB