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”Everything we do is connected to our wants.” - Psychology Today
So, do you want to flourish or not?
That’s not rhetorical, We’re being serious.
We’re asking that you carve out an hour sometime this week to think about what you really want.
In this issue, we’re going to help you get to the truth of the matter and provide some clarity as to where to go from here.
We Don’t Know What We Want
The more we engage with people on the subject, the more we appreciate how little time people commit to getting real clear about what they want.
People are much better at expressing what they don’t want.
Knowing what you don’t want doesn’t directly correlate with knowing what you want.
When you really start to contemplate it you’ll realize wanting is complex.
Wants are result oriented, action influencing, and context dependent.
Acknowledging this inherent complexity helps us appreciate why it's easier to identify things we dislike than to articulate a complex desire.
Change Yourself First
I recently heard a psychologist sharing a testimony of the transformative impact their inventions had on a patient.
In this particular case, the patient was a 12 year old boy whose parents were having issues. These issues largely stemmed from his father’s drinking problems. The father was an alcoholic and his volatile temperament was wreaking havoc on the family unit.
The son had allowed these circumstances to negatively affect his behavior, most notably at school, where his attitude and actions were resulting in progressive corrective actions.
At the desperate appeal of his mom he finally agrees to go see a therapist.
During the first session when asked what he hoped to get out of therapy he responded, “you won’t be able to help me get what I want, because all I want is my dad to stop drinking.”
The therapist knew better, but played along, “Fair enough, he said… well can we go through a few exercises over the next month to see if you notice any changes in yourself.”
The pre-teen reluctantly obliged and for the next month followed the plan to a t.
The instructions were simply things like; making your bed daily, listening at school, and doing his homework.
The month passed, therapy sessions ended, and the 12-yr went his separate way but maintained most of the routines he had developed during therapy.
Two years later, the boy's dad schedules an appointment with the therapist. The therapist asked the dad the same question he asked the son and the dad replied, “I want you to help me stop drinking!”
The therapist asked why and the father said, “because my son is flourishing and I don’t want to ruin it for him.”
You see! There’s tremendous influence in living well.
So, do you want to flourish or not?
Start Here
The first question we suggest you reflect on is,
Which of the following do you believe is currently having the greatest impact on your flourishing
Ambiguous wants
Counterproductive results
Misaligned actions
Frustrating circumstances
The next question to consider is,
How am I culpable in creating my current reality?
The last question to consider is,
Why am I allowing this to occur?
We recommend you set aside at least an hour to mull this over. In our experience the best clarity comes to those who actually write out their thoughts.
Enjoy!