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Happiness is a fascinating construct.
A few years ago I sat down for a mid-year review with my boss and during that meeting she asked me, “Are you happy?”.
It caught me off guard, to be honest the question made me uncomfortable, I’m not sure why but it did.
So I took a moment to think about it then awkwardly responded with an indecisive, “Uh yeah, I think so, I mean yeah I am, for the most part.”
I’m not typically an overthinker, but in this instance that’s exactly what I was doing.
That simple question brought on a flood of questions. Was I really happy? Should I be happier? What is happiness? Does it even matter?
I recently stumbled across some literature that helped me wrap my head around this whole notion of happiness.
In this issue, we’ll explore the construct of happiness to help you better appreciate what it is, how you relate to it, and the influence it has on your life, your leadership, and your well-being.
What is Happiness?
You may be surprised to find that there is not a universally accepted definition of happiness amongst researchers.
Positive psychologists have been trying to pin it down for several decades and they’ve yet to rally around a definitive definition.
I often wonder how there could be such varying opinions on something considered to be so crucial to our health and well-being.
I mean, we have a World Happiness Report, so why don’t we have a singular definition?
I think some things are too personal for a singular definition. Happiness is one of those things.
Happiness is highly personal and therefore highly subjective. So much so, that in positive psychology it’s often referred to as “Subjective Well-Being.”
Yet, despite its wild subjectivity, there is general consensus on what happiness feels like.
Ask 100 people what happiness is and you’ll get a variety of answers, ask them what happiness feels like and you’ll get a similar answer. It feels good.
Happiness definitely feels good, but it’s more than pleasure.
Pleasure is a sensory or visceral response to an experience. Happiness is an experience in and of itself.
Happiness is a state.
A state characterized by contentment and general satisfaction with one’s current situation.
Like all states, happiness is fleeting.
Being in a state of happiness is a practice which we can hone, mindfully, in all circumstances.
Happiness is something that can be appreciated when physically present.
Happiness is the excellence of the relations we cultivate with the people and passions in our life.
Happiness is the enlightenment that comes from being purpose-driven.
Also, like all states, happiness can be elicited by both internal and external stimuli.
Understanding this is critical for flourishing!
The Paradox of Pursuing Happiness
As Americans, happiness is what we do right?! It’s who we are!
The pursuit of happiness has been a central part of the American identity since its founding.
Saying we are obsessed with the thought of happiness may be an understatement!
Don’t believe me, see for yourself and Google happiness.
You’ll get approximately 1.3 billion hits, with over 353 million of those posts occurring in the past year.
We have been indoctrinated with the idea that the good life is a happy life, a life that is positive all the time.
When surveyed 81% of people reported they would rather be happy than achieve something significant.
Happiness is viewed as the end itself. We are being told that happiness is everything.
Happiness is the primary aim for many Americans.
Yet, for the first time in the World Happiness Report’s 12-year history, the U.S. did not earn a spot in the top 20 happiest countries.
Wait, what? How is it that we are trending the wrong way on something we value so highly?
The issue is likely how we’re going about pursuing happiness.
Research indicates that the people that value happiness the most often are the least likely to achieve it.
Or in the words of Eric Hoffer, “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”
Being happy is profoundly different from pursuing happiness.
The Dalai Lama says, “the purpose of life is to be happy.”
Not to pursue happiness.
Not to track one’s happiness.
Not to be the happiest person in your circle of influence.
Simply be happy.
The point is, oftentimes trying to be happier gets in our way of actually being happy.’
The Quantified Happiness Trap
It is the dawn of the Quantified Self Era.
Quantification is on its way to becoming a trillion dollar industry.
We’re tracking everything these days from steps to sleep, readiness to relaxedness.
You name it, and I can assure you there is an app/wearable combo to help you track it.
The problem is, some things just aren’t meant to be tracked. Happiness is one of those things.
“Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so.” - John Stuart Mill
That’s precisely what happened to me during the interaction with my boss I recapped at the beginning of this article.
Her question prompted me to contemplate (track) my happiness as opposed to simply being happy.
Tracking happiness interferes with being happy in two fundamental ways.
First, it pulls us out of the present moment.
Second, it opens up a seam for comparison to slide in. And comparison is the thief of all joy!
Research suggests we should aspire to be happy, but not overly concern ourselves with how happy we are.
Meaning, happiness is more about soaking up than leveling up!.
So, set a goal of being happy -> then do things elicit a happy state (i.e smiling) -> enjoy it while it lasts -> when it’s over, be grateful for the experience.
It’s not about how happy you are, or how happy you want to be, it’s about how you respond when you are happy.
If you respond to happiness with concern and comparison you’ll trigger a sequence of events that will detract from your short-term (current state) and long-term (well-being).
If you respond to happiness with awareness and contentment you’ll encourage the ongoing deployment of tactics that accentuate your short-term (current state) and long-term (well-being).
Remember, happiness is only a part of the human experience.
Flourishing is about the whole human experience.
If you want to flourish, spend less time worrying about happiness and more time connecting your purpose with your passions, and aligning your intentions with your impact.
In doing so, I’m confident you’ll be pleased with the state you find yourself in.
Stay The Course,
