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A good conversation will enrich your life and the lives of others.

Engaging in meaningful dialogues positively impacts mental health and overall life satisfaction. 

As a culture we’re gradually replacing those impactful social interactions for more efficient, productive means of communication. 

And, sadly, this trend is making us worse at having conversations. 

Why meet up in-person when we can hop on a virtual meeting? Why hop on a virtual meeting when we call? Why call when I can text? Why text when we can collaborate asynchronously through this shared document?

 

In the name of hyper-productivity we’re compromising the quality of our conversations, which directly correlates to the quality of our connections.

In this issue, we’ll share what the research tells us about the power of conversations and provide some practical steps to help you build deeper connections and level up your leadership through conversations. 

The Best Conversations

Think about the best conversations you’ve ever had. I’m sure it left you feeling a certain way. You felt seen. You felt heard. You felt inspired. You felt better connected to the person you spoke with. 

Our brain’s have evolved to crave the types of connections that stem from meaningful conversations.

Deeper conversations, characterized by self-disclosure and relational depth, are particularly effective in enhancing feelings of social connectedness and happiness.

These deep conversations help reduce stress and anxiety by allowing individuals to share similar experiences and feel understood.

Research indicates that small talk is of no benefit to our overall well-being or the connectedness we feel with others, only quality conversations have that potential.

“Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people” - Eleanor Roosevelt

We move in the direction of our conversations.

Whether it's an internal dialogue or a discussion with others, our conversations shape our thoughts, beliefs, and ultimately, our behaviors.

I’ve come to realize there are two types of conversations.

Conversation that leads to action. Conversations that substitute for action.

The best conversations serve as the catalyst for action, not a hindrance. 

The best conversations move us towards our opportunities, not ruminating over our problems.

The best conversations play a significant role in enhancing well-being, not detracting from it.  

What type of conversations do you find yourself engaging in on a regular basis?

Are you engaging in meaningful communications or mindless small talk?

Engaging in deep, substantive conversations can significantly enhance well-being by improving daily mood, increasing life satisfaction, fostering social connectedness, and reducing stress and anxiety. 

These meaningful interactions provide emotional support and a sense of belonging, which are crucial for high performance cultures.

Deep Connections

Deep questions lead to deep conversations which lead to deep connections.

At its core, the most basic goal of a conversation is building a shared understanding or the feeling of a shared understanding.

In order to do this we need to understand the matching principle. 

The matching principle states successful communication requires recognizing what kind of conversation is occurring then matching one another.

Studies have shown that there are generally 3 kinds of conversations; practical, emotional, and social. 

Here is how you can think about differentiating the 3:

• Do you want to be helped? This suggests a practical, “what’s this about?” conversation is needed.

• Do you want to be hugged? This suggests an emotional, “how do we feel?” conversation is needed.

• Do you want to be heard? This suggests a social, “who are we?” conversation is needed.

As a leader, it is our responsibility to ensure the conversation is matched accordingly.

We achieve this by asking deep questions then engaging in non-judgmental, empathetic, active listening. 

A deep question is something that invites us to talk about our values, our beliefs, our experiences. Deep questions invite us into real conversations.

These types of questions allow us to be vulnerable. And vulnerability is the key to connecting with others.

Work to cultivate this skill and you’ll significantly improve conversations and deepen connections.

Here are some practical steps for having conversations that deepen connections:

Ask Deep Questions: Instead of asking questions that require simple yes or no answers, pose questions that encourage thoughtful reflection and discussion. For example, instead of asking "Did you have a good weekend?" try asking "What was the most memorable moment of your weekend?"

Share Personal Stories: Stories have a profound impact on our brains, influencing our emotions, behaviors, and even our physical health. This influence stems from the unique way our brains process narrative information. Share personal experiences that are relevant to the conversation and invite others to do the same.

Practice Active Listening: Give your full attention to the speaker, maintain eye contact, and avoid interrupting.  Stay curious about what’s being shared and ask follow-up questions. Studies suggest that we spend approximately 60% of our communication time listening, compared to 40% speaking. 

Avoid Judgment: Create a safe and welcoming environment by avoiding judgmental statements. Focus on understanding the other person's perspective, even if you disagree. As leaders, it is tempting to offer unsolicited advice but this must be avoided. Remember the matching principle.

Find Common Ground: Look for shared interests, experiences, or values. Connecting over common ground can make it easier to have deeper conversations. We all have something in common. 

By incorporating these techniques into your daily interactions, you can foster more meaningful and fulfilling relationships, leading the way through conversations that enrich your life and the lives of others.

So, the next time you're in a conversation, remember its importance, and ask a deep question.

This practice might just be the secret ingredient to leveling up your leadership.