Last week I was leading a leadership roundtable session with some college head coaches. We were discussing the four dimensions of well-being and what it looks like to flourish in each dimension.
Physical - Being physically rested
Emotional - Being emotionally agile
Spiritual - Being spiritually rooted
Mental - Being mentally present
As we were discussing all four, one coach shared how hard it is to be mentally present, especially at home and away from the court during the stressful “in-season” months.
Maybe you can relate. Leadership and the pursuit of high performance do not happen in isolated vacuums. It’s tempting to obsess over what needs done when we’re “off the clock.”
When you’re leading, you’re often serving and living in multiple roles.
Coach AND parent
Director AND sibling
Vice President AND son or daughter
Founder AND neighbor
One of the greatest challenges of life and leadership is the difficult task of toggling in and out of multiple important responsibilities.
The coach who spoke up on the challenge of being mentally present shared how hard it is, in season to leave the team issues with the team, and switch gears to being a wife and mother of two.
Her team is 29-3. Nationally ranked and now in the middle of a playoff push. High expectations. Crunch time. Yet away from the court, she’s a comprehensive human being with desires and obligations that have absolutely nothing to do with what happens on the court.
“I think what I’m working on now is the courage it takes to be present. To be where my feet are. To shut it off when I’m at home. To sit down with my kids when I want to be watching film, preparing for our next game.” She shared.
The Courage to Rest
Every high performer understands what she’s referring to. There’s so much to do. There’s so much to prepare for. There’s always something that could be tended to. And with the accessibility of our work at our fingertips and a laptop flip away, we can easily give in to the relentless desire to always be “on.”
Back in September I wrote about Caeleb Dressel and his inability to “turn off” the insatiable desire to push. He ultimately went over the edge and burnt out in his pursuit of high performance, needing a major reset and fresh start to rewire his pursuit of high performance.
Way back in January we explored the shadow side to Miami Dolphins Head Coach Mike McDaniel’s “All In” approach to coaching early in his career. The radical imbalance and grind associated with coaching at the highest level. Sleeping in the office if any sleep is had at all. Ultimately this led to depression, and unhealthy coping mechanisms causing a forced reset after intervention from coworkers.
Both of these features showcase the reality that all high performers know - the pursuit can be all out taxing if we’re not careful.
That’s why I love the word this coach used last week - courage.
Courage is the mental strength to persevere or withstand danger, fear or difficulty.
The Courage to Be Present
So why, courage? It’s not like she’s facing grave danger. What is there to really be afraid of? How difficult is it really?
Courage is the exact word needed because while there is no physical threat - there is a mental and emotional threat in play here.
Every high performer who struggles to leave work at work and be mentally present where their feet are is being fed a lie that punctures their mind and inner life. The lie is that you MUST always be on. The lie is that your entire worth and value is wrapped up in what you produce and how you or those you lead perform.
The lie is that if you fail - you’ll lose everything. That you will not have a hopeful future unless you seize this entire moment. If you stumble or lose you’re way - you will be embarrassed by an audience of onlookers.
When we succumb to this lie, we feast on fear and insecurity.
We subconsciously nod in agreement that “this” is everything.
And instead of playing with our kids or being fully present with our spouse in a conversation we should be ruthlessly preparing for the next event - out of fear that our very existence will be defined as a failure because of an outcome.
For a high performing leader, the most courageous thing you can do is be present in the moment you’re in. Fear and insecurity want to disarm you by taking your agency out of the present moment - which you have full control over and toward the past or worse, the uncertain future.
The most insecure among us live in a future they can’t control. The leader who obsesses over things out of their control lacks courage in every way. They will only live a skittish, fragile existence - because they have no control over the future, and their entire concern is on things they can’t control.
No one intentionally wants to live this way. But without courage we will drift away to this kind of life and leadership. Completely lacking resoluteness. Feasting on fear.
So how do we develop the courage to be present?
One way is to increase a concentration on what can only be in the present - our breath.
Every moment in your life you experienced through your breath. A stressful moment before a big event - higher heart rate, breathing heavier. A tranquil Christmas morning full of complete silence and stillness - a lower heart rate, breathing light, and easy.
Even right now as you read this, you are experiencing life through your breath. If you’re alive and breathing - you have the capacity to be in the present moment. You can develop resilience and courage. One breath at a time.
Spend more time concentrating on your breath this week.
Stay The Course,
P.S. (If you’d like to explore what STC facilitated leadership roundtables could look like for your leadership team’s development shoot me an email and let’s talk more).
