Have you ever thought to yourself, maybe I need to "just try harder"?
We've all been there: "Try reading this book, try using that technique, try attending a workshop, try to stress less." But let's be honest, the "trying" approach to personal development and leadership effectiveness typically leads to disappointment, frustration, and exhaustion in the long run.
“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”
—Theodore Roosevelt
Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910
On Sunday, February 3, 2024 Sara Hall stepped to the starting line in Orlando, Florida to compete for one of three spots on the United States Women’s Olympic team. It’s an Olympic year and the United States must send a team of qualified marathoners to compete in Paris at the summer games. Hall, the former High School national cross country champion in 2000 has been a mainstay in elite running for over two decades ranging across all distance running events from 1,500 meters on the track to the grueling marathon distance on the road. Despite being an ASICS sponsored athlete with some of the top American times in the half marathon and marathon distance and medalist finishes at two world marathon majors (Silver in London, Bronze in Chicago) she’s never made the Olympic games. She’s 0-for-7 and she turns to the streets of Orlando for the opportunity to break through.
On a brisk late winter morning in Orlando, Sara Hall, American distance running royalty, will attempt to grab ahold of the one accomplishment that has eluded her in her impressive professional career - qualifying for a spot on the Olympic team.
What makes Sara Hall so unique is not only her versatility in running - she competes at a world level on the track and on the road - ranging from 1,500 meters to the marathon, but also her longevity and her mindset. At the age of 40 years old, Sara Hall seems to be getting better and better.
Behind her growth in running is a counter-cultural approach to mastery of craft. While coaches and leaders at all levels hail the “process-driven approach” to developing teams, athletes, and the pursuit of goals and dreams - no one embodies that approach more than Sara Hall.
Stepping to the line in Orlando, Sara begins her 8th Olympic Trials (her third in the marathon). Her first Olympic trials came while she was still an amateur student athlete at Stanford in the 5,000m track event in 2004. Over the course of her illustrious career here is how the Olympic Trials have gone.
2004 - 5,000m (Did not make the team)
2008 - 1,500m (Did not make the team)
2012 - 3,000m Steeplechase (Did not make the team)
2016 - Marathon (Did not make the team)
2016 - 5,000m (Did not make the team)
2020 - Marathon (Did not make the team)
2020 - 10,000m (Did not make the team)
0-for-7 in the Olympic Trials. Believing and going all in each time. Right on the edge of accomplishing a life-long dream, yet each time coming up just short.
At the age of 40, Sara Hall yet again entered the competitive field as one of the top contenders to make the Olympic team. The rules of engagement for Sara Hall are widely difficult but eerily simple. Finish in the top 3 and you go to Paris for the Olympic games. Finish in the top 3 and accomplish a life-long dream. Finish in the top 3 and get the elusive albatross of success at the Olympic Trials off your back.
From the opening gun, Sara Hall competes with her signature grace, joy and grit she’s been known for for years. The perfect blend of joy and fight. The joy of a child engaged in play. The fight of Mike Tyson entering the ring. She runs with her whole being. Fully engaged, fully invested.
Heading into this race Hall had proclaimed that this training block was the best she had ever had. Things were clicking. She was building and she was fit for the challenge. As the race begins the field of competitors began the early loops of the course in Orlando. The funny thing about marathon distance is the early goings can just fly by. The race really begins at about mile 15 or 16. At the halfway mark of 13.1 a considerable pack of 15 competitors are in contention. All chasing the same marching orders.
Finish top 3 or your dream dies.
By mile 16 the lead pack has dwindled to just 9 brave souls. A loaded field of the “who’s-who” of elite women’s marathoning. Fiona O’Keefe, Emily Sisson, Sara Hall, Keira D’Amato, Carolyn Rotich. The heat of the Orlando sun makes a grueling task even more unbearable. The temperatures rise and a handful of competitors continue to rise with the temperatures.
Just before mile 18 it’s time to get down to business. Fiona O’Keefe drops the hammer and begins to surge ahead. Just four athletes meet the challenge, Sara Hall being one of them. Sara Hall unstrapped her GPS watch and threw it into the crowd. There’s no need for mile splits now. No need for metrics and analytics. If the GPS watch could measure the heart and soul of a competitor maybe it would be worth keeping, but it can’t. As the watch flies into the crowd, Sara Hall and six others surge ahead. Seven runners, but only three spots.
At mile 20, the pack of seven has splintered. Fiona O’Keefe, running in her first marathon takes a commanding lead with six grueling miles to go. Emily Sisson sits comfortably in second place. The race for the final spot will now come down to a pack of four and in the heart of the pack is Sara Hall.
Years of work chasing the dream. The empty early morning miles in isolation. Quietly living the life of a professional athlete all in pursuit of this dream. So many times denied. This final stretch of seven miles provides the opportunity for Sara Hall to finally break through. Like a fairytale ending, the 8th time will be the charm.
But, unfortunately that’s not how the story will go.
As competitors reach their physical limits some drop out of the race. Others grimace on. Nearly three minutes behind the leader the 3rd place finisher arrives to claim the only remaining spot on the Olympic team. Dakotah Lindwurm finished in 3rd place with a time of 2:25:31.
Just 35 seconds separate Sara Hall from the 28 year old Dakotah Lindwurm. She never stopped fighting. Never stopped believing. Third place was always in her vision for the entire 26.2 miles of the grueling day in Orlando.
Despite all of the grit. All of the fight. All of the effort over decades, Sara Hall did not make the Olympic team in her eighth trial.
Now you don’t have to be a professional athlete to relate to a missed goal. What makes Sara Hall’s story so inspiring is that in all of her other-wordly race paces and uncommon commitment to her goals the experience of failing to reach your goal or dream is surprisingly very common.
It’s painful. It’s embarrassing. It’s heartbreaking. The range of emotions we experience after missing our goal is as wide as the gap between the elite field of women racing in the Olympic trials and my weekend warrior marathon results as a novice runner.
When we fall short of our goal. As high stakes as it is. We have to be very diligent about our mindsets and perspectives. It can be crushing. It can be agonizing. But if we’re not careful we can fall into a deeper discouragement that can eliminate any and all drive in our lives. A discouragement that will never allow us to take another risk or to set another goal or to chase another dream.
Here are five of the most dangerous perspectives to have after missing a goal: And a few quotes from Sara Hall to see how she counters the perspective even after heartbreak and disappointment.
“It was all a waste of time.”
“It’s just not fair..”
“I have nothing to be proud of.”
“People will only support me if I achieve the goal..”
“It would have been better for me to not even try..”
When we’re faced with a difficult disappointment in our pursuits, whether a sports goal, or a job interview gone wrong, or a certification not achieved, one of the ways we cope with the sadness is to chalk the entire experience up as a waste of time. All the practicing, all the preparing, when denied the singular outcome we call it a “waste of time.”
The reality is this couldn't be further from the truth. Consider this quote from Sara Hall in an interview after the race:
“As long as you love the process. Even if the end result doesn’t work out - it’s still worth it.”
It’s still worth it. Even if the end result doesn’t work out. Do you truly love the process or is the process merely endured as the cost of getting the temporary thing you want?
For Sara Hall - she genuinely loves the process of mastering her craft. With tears in her eyes and heartbreak in her voice she had this to say.
“I want to do the process more. I love working out. There's nothing else I’d rather be doing right now..For right now. There’s still more I want to mine out of my potential. As heartbreaking as it is, when you love the process you keep going.”
Since our preschool days most of us bring “fairness” into question when we are denied what we want. We feel we did the work. We put in the time. We prepared. We sacrificed. In another emotional reaction to disappointment we make a quick calculation of what we did and compare to what we perceive someone else did. Our napkin math ends up revealing what we feared. It isn’t fair. In our minds, an injustice has occurred.
For Sara Hall, she again displays another level of mental toughness, grit, and resilience in the face of difficult disappointment. She shares in an interview the harsh truth for all of us - whether we’re pursuing the Olympic Games or applying for the job that feels like a lock..
No end result is guaranteed.
“You have to find joy in the process. No end result is guaranteed. It can’t just be about this thing you want at the end. The joy has to come in the process. I love running. This buildup was so much fun.”
The truth is it doesn’t feel fair. Sara Hall deserves to be on the team after 8 attempts. The trials champion Fiona O’Keefe is only 25 years old. She would have been 2 years old when Sara Hall competed in her first Olympic Trials. Where is the justice? Shouldn’t she have to “wait her turn.”?
We all know - that’s just not the way it works. Sara Hall knows this more than anyone and that is why she so wisely believes the joy must come in the process. Not in the result.
When you find joy in the process - it is more fun.
Have you ever been so fraught with disappointment after coming up short in something and had a close friend or relative try to cheer you up by reminding you of what went well?
It can feel so frustrating when you’re sitting with disappointment. And while they mean well, the efforts from family and friends can feel like you’re being reminded of mere consolation prizes when you wanted the big win.
In another emotionally charged coping strategy for falling short we deny ALL possible consolation prizes and fail to extract any good from our “failed” pursuits.
Yet again, in the midst of extreme frustration and heartbreak, Sara Hall shares the counter perspective that we can all learn from.
“I’m proud of my process. I’ve never worked so hard. That buildup went really well. This is the most meaningful race - in which I didn’t hit my goal.”
Be proud of the effort. Not the results.
Now this perspective may seem extreme as we read it. But it’s not as extreme as we think. Ambitious people, with a maniacal drive to achieve something slowly over time find a way to wrap their entire sense of self in their pursuit.
In the darkness of the early morning workouts, and lonely hours spent honing their craft - especially if a “professional” we can begin to believe the lie that we ARE our pursuit.
Once again we look to Sara Hall for the antithesis perspective
“It’s in failure - not in success - you really get to feel what you mean to people. People support you when you fail. I may not be going to the Olympics, but I am rich in relationships and meaningful connections.”
You don’t find your relationships and meaningful connections in the successes. You find your relationships and meaningful connections in the failures.
This perspective may be the most threatening of them all. Wrapped so tightly in the realm of outcomes and results this perspective can slowly kill any drive to grow or take risks at all. We get this view when we have let discouragement take root and thrive in our hearts and minds well past its expiration date.
Why is this view the most threatening?
Because it has warped the entire system against ourselves. It orients all of life in achieving and winning and important outcomes that we ultimately fail to recognize what actually develops us in the first place. It’s the journey that develops us. It’s the process. It is being in the arena.
When Theodore Roosevelt shared his now famous speech in Paris in 1910 he spoke of “cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.” These cold and timid souls believe in their core it’s better to not try - to preserve and protect themselves from disappointment.
It is always better to try. Even if we fail. Because there is immense value in daring greatly even if we come up short.
Better to dare greatly and fall short 8 times than live as someone can never bear the weight of disappointment.
Sara Hall may not be an Olympian (yet) but she is a true champion in life because she continually dares greatly in the arena of competition.
“I don’t want the greatest accomplishment of my life to be running. My greatest accomplishment is my relationship with my kids.. I really wanted this.. But they are my real treasure.”
High performance is taxing and there are realities we can’t look away from or just pretend everything is going well when it’s not.
But some of the research we’re going to explore today does emphasize the importance of positivity or “positive emotions” in creating healthy, high performing environments. In fact it may help us realize the value in a little negativity as well.
In this issue, we’re going to highlight a few of the unexpected societal sleep trends, Calm revealed in the Snooze Report they released in Q4 of 2023, and discuss their implications on our leadership effectiveness.